Category Archives: Humor

The 10 Rules for Everyone About John Derbyshire and Conservatives 3

by • Blogging, Humor, Politics • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

John Derbyshire fills his kids heads full of racist crap, I am pretty sure he does that right after they place those white hoods upon their heads and go out for a good old fashioned cross-burning. If you want to read his BS piece of crap piece it is at a place called Taki Magazine, something I’ve never heard of but Dave Weigel says it is a magazine of one of the former founders of the American Conservative, let’s call him “not Pat Buchanan”. Not that Pat himself doesn’t have problems with race, but this one isn’t his.

Let’s review some facts about Derbyshire, in February 2001 he wrote a piece that should have had him banned from anyone publishing any of his work for the rest of his life, in fact he should have been relegated to serving food to Klan meetings. This particular column  gave us real insight into Derbyshire. That column was all about his hatred for a young Chelsey Clinton and how it would be okay to exterminate her and her parents.  And of course he does this all under the guise of humor, I guess humor for conservatives is all about killing a young girl cause you don’t like the politics of her parents. He is a real piece of work, and then yesterday he went a step further.

I am pretty sure he thinks he is an ironic, ancient hipster, who seems to believe he is teaching us all something, and he is mad that the Trayvon Martin murder has once again shone a light on institutional racism in America.

America of course is not a perfect place, and John Derbyshire is trying to make it even less perfect. And he isn’t ironic or funny, which is why I’ve come up with my own 10 Rules for my kids, before the leave the house when they come across either John Derbyshire or other conservatives.

1. Among your fellow citizens are roughly 30 million or so who identify as conservative, and whom I shall refer to as idiots. The cumbersome term “Caucasian” seems to be in decline, thank goodness so instead we will use the term Klan Cracker. I think that says it all to  normal people.

2. American Caucasianscome from all over Europe but some of the worst among us were hatched under rocks and we know them today as conservatives, you will recognize them as those who can’t get along with others, who don’t’ share and who believe in their own enormous IQ’s. They are unlike their white counterparts because they’ve built their own reality and they stay in it, Bill Maher calls it, The Bubble. I call it hell.

3.  They appear to be just like every other white person until they open their pie-holes. Once they do you will instantly know the difference, a.) they think it is funny to threaten the children of people they don’t like b.) They portray themselves as victims even though they own the world.

4. The default principle in everyday personal encounters is, that as a fellow citizen, with the same rights and obligations as yourself, any individual conservative is entitled to the same courtesies you would extend to a non-conservative citizen. That is basic good manners and good citizenship. In some unusual circumstances, however—e.g., paragraph (10h) below—this default principle should be overridden by considerations of personal safety. These guys love concealed weapons so it is best to avoid them at all cost. It could save your life.

5. As with any population of such a size, there is great variation among conservatives in every human trait (except, obviously, the trait of identifying oneself as conservative). They come fat, thin, tall, short, dumb, smart, introverted, extroverted, honest, crooked, athletic, sedentary, fastidious, sloppy, amiable, and obnoxious. There are conservative geniuses but there are more conservative morons. There are conservative saints but there are many more conservative psychopaths (i.e. George Zimmerman, Timothy McVeigh). In a population of thirty or more million, you will find almost any human type. Only at the far, far extremes of certain traits are there absences. There are, for example, no conservative with common sense, they only have anger and believe they are winners.

6. As you go through life, however, you will experience an ever larger number of encounters with conservative Americans. They seriously bring their conservatism with them everywhere, then they will call you names and once people tell them to STFU, they will claim the mantle of victimization and cry like babies. Assuming your encounters are random—for example, not restricted only to conservatives who are so self assured their worldview never changes—the Law of Large Numbers will inevitably kick in. You will observe that the means—the averages—of many traits are very different for conservative and regular Americans, as has been confirmed by methodical inquiries in the human sciences. Don’t bother arguing with them, they are far to stupid to convince with facts, remember they’ve created their own world in the face of facts.

7. Of most importance to your personal safety are the very different means for antisocial behavior, which you will see reflected in, for instance they all carry concealed weapons, steer clear of them, always. They might get mad and shoot you for no apparent reason, i.e. see George Zimmerman.

8.  These differences are magnified by the hostility most conservatives feel toward everyone who doesn’t believe as they do. Thus, while conservative-on-conservative violence is uncommon but does happen, see David Frum’s expulsion from American Enterprise Institute.

9. A large cohort of conservatives—in my experience, around 90% —is ferociously hostile to everyone else and will go to great lengths to inconvenience or harm us. Remember they carry concealed weapons.

10. Avoid concentrations of conservatives not known to you personally, they simply cannot be trusted and they will threaten your life.

And with that I allow my kids out into the world, to consort with everyone but a conservative, in general they have low IQ’s, reject facts and hate women and minorities of all kinds. Even though you are white don’t get yourself in with their group, they require white hoods and cross burnings and that can only lead to trouble with the FBI.

Breitbart Blogging Troll Attacks Emerald City Comicon Guest Wil Wheaton 10

by • Blogging, Humor, Life, Politics • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

What is it with those bloggers at BigJournalismLies? Do they never ever leave their politics at home and have some damn fun? The answer to that question people, is they never fucking do not ever.  Let’s take the example of Adam Baldwin, the actor from Firefly and Chuck etc, he came to Emerald City ComiCon this past weekend. Well guess what he also writes for BigLies. I was going to go over and chat with him and tell him how much we loved Chuck and his character, but then some stuff went down and he tried to turn ComiCon into Breitbart world.

So here we were at ComiCon, talking about the Trek series, BSG, Firefly, etc and so on. No one talks about anything other than that, one discussion I was in while we were waiting to meet George Takei was; who is less trust worthy Romulans or Vulcans? Obviously the answer is Romulans, but that was an actual point of discussion. LOL’s!!!

This year was unbelievable because we were subjected to the long reach of Breitbart  world. Delivered by his angry band of blogging minions started an ideological battle  at Emerald City ComiCon.

But it started out great. I got to meet Edward James Olmos and that was amazing and cool as hell. I also got to meet and shake hands with George Takei! Oh man, yes that was so cool, and of course the man who shows up to every Emerald City Comicon Wil Wheaton. If you don’t know who Wil Wheaton is, you probably never watched NextGen, Stand By Me. We were excited to see Wil Wheaton again.

It all began with this little youtube promo.  Watch it and then continue reading.

That is funny, right?

Well guess who didn’t think it was funny.  Adam Baldwin took offense and made the claim to his twitter army that Wheaton and Lawson were mocking the bible. I don’t see it, but whatever. Insert Breitbart trained outrage machine here —–> It churns in perpetual motion like a twisted victim chip that never leaves its collective shoulder, picking fights and then blaming the victim of their ire.   I see what you’re doing Adam Baldwin.  Every aspect of our lives must come down to picking ideological fights, then brushing it off by saying all publicity is good publicity and then threatening a defamation lawsuit even though you started the fight. You learned so well from your former boss, may he Rest in Peace.

I’d already known Baldwin wrote for BigLies prior the event. I’d looked him up on twitter and that day he was having a twitter war with Podhoretz over his (Baldwin’s) opposition to vaccinations. I shut his page down immediately, thinking I just didn’t really want to ruin his acting for me. You know everyone has a right to their own beliefs etc and so on. I’ll forget about it and just remember that I love the movies and television shows he’s been in, he’s funny and he definitely has enormous talent.

The personal swipes at another ComiCon guest, seemingly came out of nowhere. But rest assured whenever some famous person tweets, be they a blogger, actor or a politician,  their followers often times jump in to either agree with the person they follow or to attack the target of the tweeters ire.  So what I imagine happened is, suddenly Wheaton began to get idiot right-wing threats. Sometimes extremist followers on twitter take things way too far.  All of this was really unnecessary, it was ComiCon, not a political fundraiser or a rally, it simply wasn’t about politics this weekend. At some point as a society we have to begin to condemn those who would rather keep us rigidly,  ideologically divided like George Bush demanded when he said; “You’re either with us or against us.” It will ruin our lives if we allow it.  At the very least leave your extremism and anger at home when you come to any of the Cons. We are not stupid and we aren’t pawns in your ongoing ideological battle to conquer the world.

CrossPosted @DAGblog

Below the Beltway: a Mockumentary of the Anatomy of a Political Scandal 2

by • Humor, Media, Politics • Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I saw this movie the other morning on Showtimes Movie Channel. It is the perfect movie to see this political season, it not only brings on the big belly laughs but the story has a edge of the “real”  and as a viewer I became pretty convinced this could easily happen to any politician.

Below the Beltway is an indie film, from 21st Street Films. 21st Street Films seems to do micro-budget films, $20,000 – $500,000. It might have a micro-budget but it isn’t low quality by any means. The films story moves quickly and the story is as hilarious as it is real.

This is the story of Paul Gibson (Tate Donovan), a disgraced former beltway lobbyist. He is disgraced because there was a viral YouTube video of him speaking to a gathering of reporters and black citizens, he uses the word “niggardly” in reference to social welfare.  A hilarious and ironic scene takes place between describing what happened to Gibson, they laugh about it, and indicate they don’t give a shit whether is was deserved or not, in fact is it funnier that what Gibson said wasn’t offensive in that he used the term correctly, but it was funny cause no one seemed to understand that! But these staffers they just accept the circumstances, where truth doesn’t matter and go on, hoping like hell it doesn’t happen to them. At the beginning of the film  Gibson has one client left, the National Rendering Association, (NRA) heh, showing just how far he’s fallen. They drop him too, he’d become toxic, not jail time toxic of course, where he might get a book deal, but toxic enough that no one really wanted to be associated with him.

Gibson is trying to make his way back into politics. He finds out a salacious and scandalous story about a U.S. senator’s affair with a high school intern.  What is interesting about the film is that its foci is not just how this information is manipulated on its own, but it is also about lobbyists’, politicians’, and reporters’ manipulation of each other in their attempts exploit the impending scandal. And it makes you laugh hard throughout. It’s a wild romp with a twist at the end that is screamingly funny. It’s a fun film, I do recommend it.

*Full disclosure, I went to boarding school the Spencer Garrett, he plays the disgraced senator and produces the film. But I still y’all should see it if you get a chance, you’ll see  Spence  is funny as hell, and you will catch a glimpse of why he made boarding school a much more tolerable place.

Crossposted @DAGblog

Democrat Like Me 1

by • Humor, Life, Politics • Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

For years the idea haunted me, if a Republican became a Democrat in the deep North what adjustments would she have to make?

And that is how it began, that fateful day in 1984 was the day I decided to infiltrate the Democratic party and turn them all into Liberal Republicans! I knew I could do it if I could just find a way to fit in first, to blend in, so I went to the doctor’s office for some help.

“Hey Doc”, I said to him after he forced me on that scale again, why do they always want to know how much I weigh? “Hey T”, he replied, we were old friends since the heady days of Watergate. “Doc, I want to attempt to infiltrate the Democratic Party and turn them into a corporatist Republican lite party. I think I can do it, if I try very, very hard. How can I do this?”

He laughed and then smirked at me, he said, “Well first of all you need to quit shopping at Brooks Brothers, cause that totally doesn’t fit for a Democrat, I think you need to shop at vintage stores from now on, and find some bell bottom jeans with embroidery on them, preferably flowers and sunshine and stuff, it will make you seem whimsical and egalitarian.”

I was kind of happy that I had to shop for my newest endeavor, although I wasn’t totally into this Vintage Store BS but if I had to buy some crappy hippy clothes then I would, it is easier to punch them if you look like them.

So I thought I should find out about the party I was infiltrating so I decided I would study hard at the virtual knee of one James “Corporal Cueball” Carville. I saw him one night on CNN, and thought he would be the perfect teacher for me.   So I studied Carville, and knew I was about to become a superstar in the Democratic Party, superstardom leads to apparatchikdom too and that was my ultimate goal, become an apparatchik, it would make me feel like I had more control over all things Democratic and I could lead them myself to Republicanism, which ultimately was my goal, to make sure Democrats were just Republicans without the backbone.

My first effort was to make them, the Democrats, think that I took my new party seriously, when really I was just a shill for my corporate, tribal overlords. This fact was discovered by the arch nemesis to all corporate shills like myself, one Glenn Greenwald. He is a superstar this Greenwald guy, he has absolutely no connection to corporate overlords. His CATO membership is just a ruse, and his white papers for them, just a job, but he isn’t affected at all by these things, as he isn’t a sell out in anyway shape or form, and he never ever lets the corporate will beat him down, he fights it all the time.  He has no professional connection to corporate overlords and he is merely out for America the Beautiful. Greenwald is awesome in his ability ferret out those of us who have sold out America to the highest bidder. Working with the Koch is like waving an American flag, working with the Democrats is like working for Satan.

So my plan has worked, the health care bill we have currently, was my plan from the beginning, to sell out America by forcing them to have access to health insurance.  It will evolve into nothing that can benefit anyone really. States will not take the matter into their own hands to search for the best answer for their citizens either.  Certainly places like Minnesota (status of the Act), California, ( LWV, support of California OneCare), Illinois, Pennsylvania, Montana, (more Montana analysis) Massachusetts and Vermont have not taken the new law and tried to make it beneficial for their own citizens. They have succumbed to the dead-end health reform, the one that only supports insurance companies and is terrible for the people!

My mission is complete and soon I am sure I will be promoted head apparatchik, instead of just being referred to as the Greatest Living Democrat.

Hey Democrats consider yourselves Pwned.

Crossposted at DAGblog

Chris Matthews to Joe Walsh (R) Il, “He’s Your President Too.” 5

by • Arts and Entertainment, Blogging, Humor, Media, News, Politics • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Let’s get this out there, Rep. Joe Walsh is discrediting a good name. The Joe Walsh I remember, played guitar had his own band and sang songs like All Night Laundromat Blues.. this guy, well he just doesn’t seem like he is that much fun and he is trashing what is otherwise a very good name! I know I almost voted for the real Joe Walsh in 1980, the best part was I saw him in concert twice that year, man that was a great Eagles tour. Oh, I digress, because this Joe Walsh is definitely not that Joe Walsh.

May I present you with the video, Chris Matthews versus Rep. Joe Walsh, Illinois 8th district, dufus.

Crossposted at DAGBlog

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane Hamsher? 11

by • Blogging, Humor, Media, Politics, Presidential Politics • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wow, things happen when you are on vacation, and by things I mean Baby Jane Hudson  Hamsher’s blog meltdown the other day has turned into a thing of absolute wonder.  It was very dramatic wasn’t it, her Baby Jane Hudson style meltdown, dumb m-fers, really? Yeah that is the way to win an election, start another big fight on the interwebzz between like-minded people, that definitely gets us to where we want to be, wait, wut?

This ridiculous behavior is just  all too familiar to me, I still haven’t really gotten over the 2000 election. I can’t tell you how many well-meaning people I argued with back then who said they wouldn’t vote for Al Gore, who had become one of the more powerful Vice Presidents of our time, in terms of his mastery of government and his ideas of reform and modernizing government via the ever-changing world of technology.  He brought in an era of reform among the ranks of government.  Most people may or may not remember his Reinventing Government initiative, it was a program that worked, it was the result of Al Gores hard work and his experience in congress. Yet what was with the crowd that insisted  Gore and Bush were essentially the same, and why are they doing it again after all they should have learned from the Bush fiasco Presidency.  We can safely say there would have been no Iraq War if Al Gore had been President during 9-11. And yet here we are, discussing one more time how awful times a million the President is and his supporters are soooo stupid to ruin his chances like this, by supporting him, err or something.  It has now reached the crazy stage, in fact since Hamsher and that other crazy irrelevant guy Pat Cadell are actively working to make sure this President isn’t reelected, how liberal could either one really be? Yes, we know the answer, not liberal.   These shoddy analysis are pushed by the media.  They rely on manufactured controversy to get better ratings, and that is their only goal. The problem with the “primary Obama”  as led by Baby Jane is they seem impervious to facts, they seem unable to understand party politics, they just hope that the President will be in a primary race. That isn’t going to happen and if anyone thinks it will it is because they actually have their head planted firmly in the sand.  The Party has her candidate and it will not be Alan Grayson or Dennis Kucinich.  It is time to accept this fact and move on.   I am hoping we won’t let a faction of “the always pissed off crowd” disrupt this election.  I don’t know if they have the power to do so, but they certainly believe they have the power to do so.

Baby Jane Hamsher seems no different from Ralph Nader, she is a professional gadfly. She is a woman scorned no doubt about it,  I believe the blogger Eclectablog that he was sent an email from one of her employees basically saying she is going to crush him, and keep him from getting paid writing gigs on the internet..it is kind of comical in a sad sort of way. Does anyone really have that kind of power on the internet? I mean this isn’t William Randolf Hearsts era anymore, so the email comes off as ridiculous. I am not convinced anyone has that kind of power to crush a voice on the interwebzzz. How can anyone take her seriously after this kind of behavior? The over-the-top anger seems so like TBag in its apparent irrationality. And this draws us right back to the Baby Jane Hudson metaphor; Baby Jane Hudson, a former child star whose light went out long ago, her one and only goal in life was to become relevant again, one more time, this time she wouldn’t blow her chance, except that she did, because she always blows her chances.

What I don’t get is the end game, because certainly if they help sweep in more Republicans, progressivism will be even further from the doorstep of American politics. Because my instinct tells me that if you really are progressive you would want to prevent a Republican from being President, because in this day and age they simply have proven to be a threat to America. I mean hell, they are willing to play chicken with the economy, i.e. debt ceiling fiasco.  Republicans are holding a gun to their own heads and ours by their willingness to take the entire nation down in order to win a Presidential election, which is surreal and might I add unpatriotic!   And shouldn’t we be rallying people around this fact rather than fighting over whether or not there will be a primary challenger for this President?  (There will be no primary… it just isn’t going to happen).

Personally, I wish the war between progressives would end, ugh it is sooo tiring, and boring as the same issues are rehashed over and over again with no solutions in sight.   Baby Jane is relegating herself to obscurity, by her own actions, and for what? Just to be a contrarian, a gadfly, a rabble-rouser?  She never does explain why we are dumb mfers?  Nor does she adequately explain how supporting the President is really hurting his chances, is it opposite day and no one told me?  Well we will never truly be able to understand Baby Jane’s motives but I think they have more to do with making money rather than any real political agenda, she is just doing it the Rush Limbaugh/Scientology way, by building a base of fanatic followers who don’t ever think for themselves. Yikes what  way to make money.